Honesty

Jo: You don't want to admit that you really want to know about n. KMFE: I want to know about ll way more than n. Jo: You want to know about other people, not you or her. That's why you don't want to be specific. She asked if you'd like to clarify, but you're not going to do that, are you? KMFE: I'll have to give it awhile. Maybe I should give an example. About ll. But that would sound like I'm accusing her. Jo: She's not your spy, however much it may have seemed that way once. KMFE: How am I going to complete the stories if I don't know... the stories? It's like taking statistics from a biased sample. If you don't know how it's biased you can't get a good result. Jo: That's really how life is, isn't it? You never get an unbiased story. Ever. There will always be mysteries. KMFE: I am a curious person. Jo: That is becoming increasingly obvious KMFE: A long time ago I came up with a trick to aggravate my curiosity. I would avoid finding out what the color puce looks like. It worked well because it's a little detail I could have looked up any time I wanted. MC liked that idea. Other people tortured me about it. Jo: Did you eventually give up? KMFE: No. But honestly I lost interest. It's enough work for me not to figure it out based on context. But the story about n, that bothers me. And with that one I don't have a choice. Nobody knows the answer. The answer doesn't exist. Jo: Did you ever ask PL the answer? KMFE: I might have. I don't remember. Did I ever tell her what n means? I've honestly forgotten so much. Jo: She might know. KMFE: I don't want her story. Jo: You should, though. She'd want yours. KMFE: No she wouldn't. She doesn't like my story. Jo: It looked like she did in that last email. KMFE: I don't know what the deal with that was. It was late. And she avoided the question. Jo: She didn't understand the question. You hid the question on purpose. KMFE: She tried to make it about her. Jo: As well she should have. And it should have been about her. KMFE: That email did actually make me feel a little better. Jo: I don't think the scary story is true. KMFE: It is, though. Maybe not with the real n, who I don't even know. It's true somehow. Or I'm scared of change. Jo: Well, I don't mean to criticize your whole way of thinking. Just have some faith in what PL told you. I think she meant it way more honestly than you will ever admit.